Websters defines a revolution as "a sudden, radical, or complete change.
Hmmm...Is that what I'm really looking for?
Forget the resolving to do this and resolving to do that. We have all done it and we have all failed on some level. I have decided this year that all of the good intentions, best laid plans, and lists are not going to bring about the change in me that is necessary.
I need a personal "revolution"!!!
So...I focused on how I define myself...what do I think is the most important role that I have? Most who know me would say "being a mother to your eight children of course"! Perhaps it is being a better wife, a better teacher, better nurturer, better daughter, better neighbour, better listener, better friend, better example.....STOP!!
This is the "revolution". I need to suddenly, radically and completely recognize the role that God gave me is exactly what I'm doing. I realize it is not about changing how I define myself, making a resolution to change, but about accepting where I'm at, and most importantly understanding that there is a "plan". It may not always look reasonable, or even logical but I will do "it" to the best of my ability.
When I am feeling the most inadequate, incapable, intolerant, and completely done...God still believes in me. When I am at a loss for what to do next...and I'm thinking "I can't do this any more!!" God is saying..."I know that, (duh!!!! well... I added that bit) and I don't expect you to do this on your own....I will always be here."
So my resolution for 2013 is to live a revolutionary life.....one of radical commitment to being the best I can be and living in the peace of knowing that is good enough. When I am weak, yet am I strong.
The challenges that 2012 presented were no less than overwhelming some days. My "parenting skills" were tested, revamped, and finally filed. I have come to realize that each of my children carry their own need for revolution and it is my job to focus on their eternity! My time is worth it! Some of the individual struggles I will expand on here in the coming days, but suffice it to say that parenting children with special needs is not for the faint of heart. The daunting task of raising eight kids, dealing with raging hormonal teens, and defiant preschoolers is tough enough but throw in some violence, aggression, medication juggling, unpredictable outbursts, attachment disorders, OCD, FASD, RAD, and a whole host of other acronyms and the behaviours that result, and I am living the very humble existence of inadequacy! Owning this in any public way has become my new normal...I am after all seeking a complete, radical and sudden change in the way I approach my God given role....I'll chant this for a while and let you know if it actually sticks.....Not my comfort zone!!
So 2013....I'm ready!