A place to be real about a life of chaos, with eight beautiful children, homeschooling, special needs, adoption, sanity or the lack thereof.........a rubber hits the road sort of journey that I thankfully do NOT walk alone!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Gentle "Giant"

Those blue eyes and long eyelashes. The endearing way he scrunches up his face when he's trying desperately to spin a rather "tall tale". All of these things make loving him so easy!!

Most would say "Oh my gosh, he is SO cute!".....and I do agree however he pushes the very limits of that whole "not getting more than I can handle" thing!

He is the youngest of my seven and for that reason alone gets away with things the oldest could only dream of pulling off. Fortunately for him and not so much for the rest of the gang my coping and tolerance has magnified and exponentially grown over the last seven years. He, however has got to be the most strong willed, self determined little boy ever, and I MEAN EVER born!!!

So how is it that a 43 lb. 3 year old can have such command over an entire household?

It may be the fear of physical retaliation, thrown projectiles, a slight stab with a fork, quiet hoarding of the other children's belongings, or more often than not a loud screeching voice in response to someone answering him with the "wrong" answer or worse yet ignoring him!!!

Hard to imagine with a face like this isn't it?!

Forever working hard at something.....he does everything full speed ahead and if you aren't willing to keep up he just leaves you in his dust!!!

He tells everyone he's going to be a "chef-at-home" when he grows up....and I'm quite sure he will. He is just as comfortable with a knife and veggie as he is with a nail and hammer...... so who knows???

I have always been a firm believer that when the road we travel seems so very difficult. Every "little" thing takes tons of effort and we have to work so hard to see the fruits of our labour then we are on the "RIGHT" track. You see....when life is too easy and we're travelling along at 100 miles per hour then we surely haven't stopped to smell the roses or "experience" it the way we're meant to. Even when my "little giant" tests my last nerve for the tenth time in one hour I know that this journey I'm on was meant to be a little challenging. I have to believe that God knew what he was doing when my seventh child was so "spirited".

Some ask......"Surely he'll be your last?" , "How could you have the energy for more after "Skishee"?" My answer will continue to be......whatever the good Lord has for me....I'm up for the challenge!

Thursday, November 6, 2008


This face is the reason I persevered. This face and the joy that I knew lay in wait of security, stability, and unconditional, forever love is the reason I was blessed. After twenty six months of "unknown", the powers that be have made a ruling that will change his life forever!
Karate Kid came to be part of our family in August of 2006. His newborn baby brother, Skishee was adopted in 2004 and his younger sister, Princess had been adopted in 2005. Our whole adoption journey with all of our children has been nothing short of miraculous. Not that every child isn't a blessing, but our family "exploded" exponentially in five years as we went from one biological child in 2001 to seven awesome children by late summer 2006!! Wow......even as I write this, I am totally humbled by it all.

"What will you do if......?", "Will he be returned home?", "Are they going to appeal?", "How will your other children cope if...?", "Won't you be heartbroken when....?", "Could your family continue on with ongoing disruptive weekly visits....?", "How could you go on without him?"...........These questions could have driven me over the edge but I just continued to remind myself to have faith in God's goodness. He has blessed us with all of our children thus far and I was going to continue to believe that Karate Kid was just part of the well constructed path that we have been travelling.

Is this a faith testing or faith building adventure......

Believe me....there were days where I was convinced this had to be a test of my faith , my resolve, me patience, my endurance, my love.....my unconditional love that I promised this child the day he arrived and confirmed every time he came to me frightened by what his future might hold. You see....from the outside looking in, everything was great. He seemed happy and had changed from a physical, "street wise" kid to a compassionate, seemingly well adjusted "changed" young man with a self confidence that could only be attributed to all that he now "had".

Wow.....how deceiving it all can be.......

The stuff no one else sees.....the tears, the questions late at night when I'm tucking him in after an awesome family day, the fears that he came to freely express when he knew I was ALWAYS going to be there for him. When there had been enough consistency in my love towards him that he knew he could speak his heart......when he freely shared all that should not weigh so heavy on such an innocent child......These are the times when my own faith and convictions became vital. I pushed through because I had to....he was counting on me and despite my brief encounters with my own fear and "what if" questions I was the teacher of the peace I wanted so desperately to come for him. Surely God would "allow" it........F A I T H....the lesson I must teach.

We received the news on a Monday but knew Chief and I needed time to collect our thoughts so we could adequately prepare the other six children and most importantly to deliver the information to Karate Kid the best way possible. Quite selfishly I needed the time to prepare myself for his reaction. I wanted to sing from the rooftop.....after all this had been too long coming and we just wanted to become a completely cohesive family. However, I needed to place myself in his shoes and brace myself for a reaction that I knew would tear at my heart. I spent the most of a sleepless night rehearsing the words that would both deliver a blow and yet provide the security and stability that would gird his life from this point on.

The private moments of the next day when Chief gathered the other six and I retreated with Karate Kid to share the "news" went as I expected. It was heart wrenching, but we were well prepared and I was personally strengthened by the knowledge that this privilege of parenting I have is supported by the One who gave it.

Within hours of receiving the news, Karate Kid came to me and hugged me saying....."Mommy.....that place in my heart that you said would understand all of this in time......well......it's OK now Mom......it's all going to be OK...."

M E R C Y and G R A C E

Now, I have been a parent of adopted children for long enough, experienced the many ups and downs of attachment issues, change, fear, victory etc. to know that there will be many more times in all of my children's lives where emotions take over and little moments of fear creep in and manifest in who knows how many ways. I will be prepared....I am partnering with my God....a sovereign God who is all knowing.....who better to light my path?