A place to be real about a life of chaos, with eight beautiful children, homeschooling, special needs, adoption, sanity or the lack thereof.........a rubber hits the road sort of journey that I thankfully do NOT walk alone!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Getting in "The Zone"

It seems every time I turn around this week the message is about getting "in the zone"...being centred, confident in who I am...in the world not of the world...you know....being totally clear on the inward orientation of my heart! No problem right.....WRONG!

Today while consciously making an effort to be "oriented" correctly, I fell short as I became distracted by things like my two year old stuffing homemade mac and cheese and pork chops into the holes on the high chair tray that lead to "no man's land"... the same mac and cheese being pushed around on the plate of my almost 13 year old while much whining and complaining about how gross it was droned on and on...the need for repeated direction on why we have kind, generous hearts and why beating on, cheating on or biting one's brother is not ... well...it's just not nice! "Girl drama" ensued several times and facilitating problem resolution became my primary role. I don't know.... where does it say stealing away to the bathroom with contraband candy and trying to flush the evidence is an appropriate action! Is it really necessary for me to read all English instructions on a worksheet to have one hand it in having made up their own!!!

I was exasperated!

My words became...."Dear God...please remove all problem people, problem situations, problem parenting challenges, problem....." oh gosh I really lost sight of my "position"!



It struck me that keeping my cool while remaining heart oriented as my two year old threw Chief's laptop to the ground that he had "left" on the chair in the living room was near impossible! "Get me outta here" seemed a reasonable request and although coupled with some mother guilt.....I truly felt like jumping ship! Is that wrong?..... It doesn't really match up with my "never quit" mantra that without a doubt one of my more astute older children would have happily reminded me of ...

" my grace is more than enough...."

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Corinthians 12:9


ok..........time to lay on the brakes...what I needed was some wisdom, patience, peace and even a little victory during times of failure and disappointment. My mistake had been wanting desperately for change to come in others and forgetting what might be necessary in myself. So........I left early for one of my mom taxi pick ups and sat quietly and read...time to fill the tank a bit...admit a little weakness....I know , I KNOW...yes I said it!!! I needed the strength of my spiritual Father....He promises His grace is sufficient ... and I will lean on Him...without whom I am nothing...





Like this little bird which I managed to capture as he shook off a rather nasty run in with our sun room window....I need to get my coordinates in order, centre myself so the prayers of my heart lead to the filling of my strength, and I can continue to soar in the role I have been given!







Monday, November 1, 2010

Becoming or Being?

A lull...




The past few weeks have been ... well ... "full" ... on many levels.



Most significantly, we said our goodbyes to Jagger, a faithful family pet for 14 years. It was such a difficult day. Never underestimate the relationships between the children in your home and their beloved pets...the devotion flows both ways and times like this are really, really ... tough...






So much else... Grandma and Papa have been away for three weeks, another birthday celebration, many milestones accomplished in school, doctor appointments, youth events, specialist referrals, the death of a pet bird, heightened sibling rivalry, the usual ebb and flow of activity in a house with ten heartbeats ( plus menagerie!) ...it is sometimes a blur of "how on earth...!"

Chief ( tribe ringleader ) has been on afternoons and that in itself makes my well planned days look more like a three ring circus with an extra distraction for all my little angels that struggle enough to stay on track. Sounds of horses galloping and gunfire as Daddy's "down time" includes an old western don't bode well for much success in arithmetic completion and spelling drills...





Yesterday... well.... was a larger disaster than most...

Daddy had just left for work and I was preparing supper, the two oldest children weren't home and the next two in line were being anything but helpful...that left me the four youngest...one was knitting, oblivious to the fact that the youngest was trying to ride our dog like a horse while smacking her tail end shrieking like he was on a wild amusement park ride, and the two "all boys, no impulse control" were happily beating each other with pillows and hollering something about revenge being sweet!...GOOD GRIEF!!!! I hurdled the two cats that were in a hissing match in the front hall to reach the two year old and spare him an untimely vault from the dog's back to his head, ducking as a croc flew past my head missing the intended target...a brother...and as calmly as possible asked the other three what part of "CHAOS" were they not hearing and at what point might they have noticed impending injury and as all good big siblings can... and SHOULD.... STEP IN AND HELP ALREADY!!!!



I got the expected glazed over looks and "Oh, sorry Mom I was at a really good part in the book", "I didn't notice, but look how much of my scarf I've finished!", and the absolute best response that got him sent upstairs for a very early bath....."What!?...you didn't ask me to watch anybody!"




AARRGGG...

The very patient part of me that even my children often recognize I manage to muster up at all the appropriate times may....just may have lapsed a tad and I advised my son to go upstairs NOW....quickly.....no quicker than that.....and have a bath while I finished supper and vacuumed the downstairs. I was expecting a friend to come by after supper for a much needed time of adult conversation and "sister-like" support time and I knew I had six baths to be done, supper to be fed and calm to return....ok....a decreased amount of activity to return to my home so bedtime routines would actually be successful!

As I vacuumed the stairs I thought I heard someone screaming...I quickly realized the screams were coming from the bathroom and I launched up the stairs hollering through the door "Are you ok?".... "Come in here quick Mom!!!" I hear with a great sense of urgency....I opened the door to find my son standing bent over the tub trying to no avail to stop the hot water that was bursting from the wall where the tap handle used to be!.....ok....envision if you will a fire hydrant that they have opened to clean out the lines!!!! This is what was happening in my bathroom!!



I turned to run down the two flights of stairs to shut off the main water valve in the basement while shouting at him to get dressed!!

I stood in my fruit cellar questioning what about this was supposed to be teaching me something cause surely to goodness this was not just for entertainment purposes....

After a deep breath I returned to the bathroom where I determined the "fix" of yesterday (Bless his heart) had gone wrong somehow and now I had six baths, supper to fix and serve, teeth to brush and bedtime toilet runs to do and NO WATER! Long story short...I loaded everyone in the car...picked up the older girls, left them to finish supper and feed their younger siblings, travelled to the hardware store and purchased a new valve, returned home....fixed the tap, turned the water back on...drove the older girls back to their grandparents, finished baths, and all bedtime routines, put the children to bed, coffee on and welcomed my dear friend for a visit....

My life....is not dull!

Earlier yesterday morning, I had struggled a bit with feeling the stress of this world and the judgement that sometimes I allow to creep into my head....."You can't possibly do this!", "The children would be better taught at school", "You should be more involved...", "Step outside your comfort zone and socialize more!".....I really don't appreciate these moments....but....at the end of the day when I had enjoyed a coffee with a friend, I was reminded what another friend of mine had shared with me not that many weeks ago.....

I am exactly who I am supposed to be and I was created this way so I would be equipped for the awesome task of raising eight children... and fixing hot water taps!....

My children are exactly where they were meant to be and I am doing exactly what I've been called to do and I am reminded I will not define myself by what I "think" I am expected to be , but by the very "call" on my life....I can only do my very best and as long as I am..........my children will continue to be amazed at my plumbing skills and I will be satisfied in the "being" not the "becoming" of who I am!