Sunday, June 21, 2015
It's funny how in the positive celebrations of life, this comes so easily. When we were overcome with joy at the birth of our first child we celebrated, claiming what a miracle...a gift from God...part of His plan for our future. When we added seven more precious children to our family, growing exponentially everyone celebrated with us extolling the great plans of our loving and faithful Father. I had no problem walking the talk and praying prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude.
Even when trials came, and there were many, I could be honest and acknowledge my weaknesses. I still never faltered in my faith, my trust for things eventually all being o.k...cause, well you know, "the plan". It has not been easy but overall, for the most part we have remained strong aka survived!
My friends may recall my answer often to be, "Whatever God has for us...we will accept that". The difficult reflection of late has me recognizing those times were times of plenty, overflow, joy...more children, more diagnoses but those coupled with success...dealing, coping. I was sufficient...did you hear that, "I" was sufficient.
Where along the way I ask myself did I lose sight of the all sufficient One? The One who's "got this", the One when it suited me I was willing to "accept whatever He had for us".
When did my grateful prayers of thanksgiving turn to selfish prayers of "really?", "where are you?", "seriously, you'll allow this?"
It happened about the time I determined to suck it up, work through it, figure out the best solution, advocate, work towards my goal, fix it...solve it...change it...oh ya...and do all of this without the knowledge that the One who gave it, who felt me sufficient enough, was still right beside me. After all something had gone wrong and I needed to fix it...by myself.
And so...I'm. Exhausted. Is there any wonder?
There were days I could muster up when asked, "How are you?" .... a hearty, "I'm doing o.k. and just know God is working things out." If I'm honest I often struggled with that. In fact lots of times I just didn't buy it. But I found myself time and time again on my face desperate for answers, just wanting to hear it was all going to be o.k. Longing for the easy commitment rooted in overflow and joy. My faith is real...I mean REAL! I would not, could not, ever, ever do my life on my own. I know that with every fiber of my being. I am embarrassed to think I ever thought I could...but...I'm human. Probably chosen for this exceptionally blessed life I live because I was weak, a cracked vessel leaking all over the place, but committed to trusting my Creator, promising to raise my children, all of them, exactly that way.
Because things don't always look the way I thought they would...does that mean my promises are any less?
And so today, when admittedly I'm feeling the weight of all the "stuff" going on in my life I was reminded...
A dear friend who, although she hasn't known me long, and we have so much more to learn together, gave me this simple gift. She can't possibly know how significant it was!
She has been praying for me - really praying not just saying it - this I know. I feel it. She hugged me and told me she loved me. I desperately needed that. She said when I look at it to remember she is thinking about me and praying, and to always...
F.R.O.G. Fully Rely On God
"The Plan"...it still exists. Just because I lost sight of the path doesn't change the destination. I still don't fully understand the why, but I sure as heck know Who!
The people God places in my life at times like today are just simply part of that plan.
It's not irony that on Father's Day amidst my gratefulness for my earthly father and the relationship I have with him, I am reminded of my Father's unconditional, faithful, never faltering, love.
Today I am blessed beyond measure and Fully Relying on God...He's got this!