Today while consciously making an effort to be "oriented" correctly, I fell short as I became distracted by things like my two year old stuffing homemade mac and cheese and pork chops into the holes on the high chair tray that lead to "no man's land"... the same mac and cheese being pushed around on the plate of my almost 13 year old while much whining and complaining about how gross it was droned on and on...the need for repeated direction on why we have kind, generous hearts and why beating on, cheating on or biting one's brother is not ... well...it's just not nice! "Girl drama" ensued several times and facilitating problem resolution became my primary role. I don't know.... where does it say stealing away to the bathroom with contraband candy and trying to flush the evidence is an appropriate action! Is it really necessary for me to read all English instructions on a worksheet to have one hand it in having made up their own!!!
I was exasperated!
My words became...."Dear God...please remove all problem people, problem situations, problem parenting challenges, problem....." oh gosh I really lost sight of my "position"!
It struck me that keeping my cool while remaining heart oriented as my two year old threw Chief's laptop to the ground that he had "left" on the chair in the living room was near impossible! "Get me outta here" seemed a reasonable request and although coupled with some mother guilt.....I truly felt like jumping ship! Is that wrong?..... It doesn't really match up with my "never quit" mantra that without a doubt one of my more astute older children would have happily reminded me of ...
" my grace is more than enough...."
"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Corinthians 12:9
ok..........time to lay on the brakes...what I needed was some wisdom, patience, peace and even a little victory during times of failure and disappointment. My mistake had been wanting desperately for change to come in others and forgetting what might be necessary in myself. So........I left early for one of my mom taxi pick ups and sat quietly and read...time to fill the tank a bit...admit a little weakness....I know , I KNOW...yes I said it!!! I needed the strength of my spiritual Father....He promises His grace is sufficient ... and I will lean on Him...without whom I am nothing...
Like this little bird which I managed to capture as he shook off a rather nasty run in with our sun room window....I need to get my coordinates in order, centre myself so the prayers of my heart lead to the filling of my strength, and I can continue to soar in the role I have been given!