F.R.O.G.

It's funny how in the positive celebrations of life, this comes so easily.  When we were overcome with joy at the birth of our first child we celebrated, claiming what a miracle...a gift from God...part of His plan for our future.  When we added seven more precious children to our family, growing exponentially everyone celebrated with us extolling the great plans of our loving and faithful Father.  I had no problem walking the talk and praying prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude.

Even when trials came, and there were many, I could be honest and acknowledge my weaknesses. I still never faltered in my faith, my trust for things eventually all being o.k...cause, well you know, "the plan".  It has not been easy but overall, for the most part we have remained strong aka survived!

My friends may recall my answer often to be, "Whatever God has for us...we will accept that".  The difficult reflection of late has me recognizing those times were times of plenty, overflow, joy...more children, more diagnoses but those coupled with success...dealing, coping.  I was sufficient...did you hear that, "I" was sufficient.

Where along the way I ask myself did I lose sight of the all sufficient One?  The One who's "got this", the One when it suited me I was willing to "accept whatever He had for us".

When did my grateful prayers of thanksgiving turn to selfish prayers of "really?", "where are you?", "seriously, you'll allow this?"

It happened about the time I determined to suck it up, work through it, figure out the best solution, advocate, work towards my goal, fix it...solve it...change it...oh ya...and do all of this without the knowledge that the One who gave it, who felt me sufficient enough, was still right beside me.  After all something had gone wrong and I needed to fix it...by myself.

And so...I'm. Exhausted.  Is there any wonder?

F.R.O.G. ?

There were days I could muster up when asked, "How are you?" .... a hearty, "I'm doing o.k. and just know God is working things out."  If I'm honest I often struggled with that.  In fact lots of times I just didn't buy it.  But I found myself time and time again on my face desperate for answers, just wanting to hear it was all going to be o.k.  Longing for the easy commitment rooted in overflow and joy.  My faith is real...I mean REAL!  I would not, could not, ever, ever do my life on my own.  I know that with every fiber of my being.  I am embarrassed to think I ever thought I could...but...I'm human. Probably chosen for this exceptionally blessed life I live because I was weak, a cracked vessel leaking all over the place, but committed to trusting my Creator, promising to raise my children, all of them, exactly that way.

Because things don't always look the way I thought they would...does that mean my promises are any less?

F.R.O.G.

And so today, when admittedly I'm feeling the weight of all the "stuff" going on in my life I was reminded...

A dear friend who, although she hasn't known me long, and we have so much more to learn together, gave me this simple gift.  She can't possibly know how significant it was!

She has been praying for me - really praying not just saying it - this I know.  I feel it.  She hugged me and told me she loved me.  I desperately needed that.  She said when I look at it to remember she is thinking about me and praying, and to always...

     F.R.O.G.   Fully Rely On God

"The Plan"...it still exists.  Just because I lost sight of the path doesn't change the destination.  I still don't fully understand the why, but I sure as heck know Who!

The people God places in my life at times like today are just simply part of that plan.

It's not irony that on Father's Day amidst my gratefulness for my earthly father and the relationship I have with him, I am reminded of my Father's unconditional, faithful, never faltering, love.

Today I am blessed beyond measure and Fully Relying on God...He's got this!

Just. Plain. Thankful.

For those "friends" on facebook you may recognize this as my status update a couple of days ago.

If I'm being completely honest here I wrote this at a time when my heart felt a little less than plain. thankful.   But, what I have come to realize in this journey I call my crazy life...I do not call the game...in fact sometimes I'm actually sitting on the sidelines just watching it all play out in slow motion and have absolutely NO control.   Yup NO control...my very favourite state!

So...in those times I choose to speak these words....   Just. Plain. Thankful.

Thankful that although my house is full of children struggling at different levels with medical/psychological conditions not within their control ....I am NOT alone and I find the patience
Thankful that I have a pediatrician who listens, and carefully treats my children.....I have support.
Thankful that medication is available to at least on most days, minimize the effects of FASD, ADHD, ODD, OCD etc...I have choices
Thankful that after the violent outbursts there is almost always a wonderful calm...I am resilient, I will love unconditionally....I don't do this on my own.
Thankful that the children are becoming a little more aware of the triggers for anger and as best as they can bite their tongue or just go with the flow...I will do my best to model grace
Thankful that any destruction of property is never more damaging than just that.....stuff.....I will keep it all in perspective
Thankful that all of my children are here...where they were meant to be all along...all of us...together....we have been knit together in a very purposeful, specific way....not alone
Thankful that like childbirth, once the acute pain and turmoil of any situation is over, the joy and laughter and love of just holding a child help to erase the tears....I will look forward with anticipation and great expectation to what our future holds.

As our adopted children grow and develop, some of the diagnoses they have, become more prominent and in all honesty...excruciatingly difficult to handle.   Sometimes this is because I feel so helpless to affect change, sometimes I am so darn frustrated with the lack of effectiveness of my parenting tools, but mostly because it makes me so desperately sad...for them and the struggles, for us as a family unit and selfishly for me...I am tired.

From the outside looking in....our children are well behaved, polite, well adjusted kids.   I'm thankful that we have given them the security of a safe place.  Here is where it is safe and no matter what, we are family, forever.  Don't get me wrong...it is not easy and for some of us (we are 10) we handle it very well...for others...it is too much and coping manifests itself as isolating, acting out, or sometimes provoking the very child that needs no provoking!

Right now my life is dictated by one of my eight children primarily....I don't speak this out loud usually....I just quietly die a little as I face situation after situation that wears me down.   He is the most lovable, compassionate, caring child that has unfortunately been forever damaged prior to his birth by exposure to multiple drugs and alcohol.   He has FASD but will one day be whole!!  This is the truth I hang on to as together we brace ourselves for a new day.  

He rises for the day anytime after 5:15 and thanks to a new schedule is now downstairs with me having breakfast by six....this has actually been a blessing because he used to rise and disrupt/wake everyone else, wrestling, fighting, etc...now he and I start his school before 6:30 because he is incapable of concentrating once the others are awake.  We finish the foundational stuff and I am thrilled with that.   The rest of the day is filled with excessive hand washing (his hands are constantly bleeding) , organizing, dictating, controlling behaviour that often results in violent outbursts and swearing.   He's broken his and others' toys and belongings, furniture and ripped kitchen cupboards off.  We have had to remove doors to prevent him putting his foot through it.  No impulse control, no rhyme or reason or pattern to his behaviour....just turmoil.    No one would believe me!  I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't living it!!  He regularly refuses to do what he's asked, balking at my authority and then encourages his siblings to ignore me also.   He sometimes refuses to come with the family if we are leaving for an event or church...my life is on hold.  If I am leaving the house on an errand, he hugs and kisses me demanding eye contact and a routine of blowing kisses and words, often coming out of the house more than once to continue the process...most often it's just easier to take him with me.    He refuses to move from a chair, go to bed, or bathe.  He doesn`t eat what we eat requiring separate meal preparation every single day.....and then there is the other side.....He is first to offer help to prepare meals, seeks out quality time with me...loves to bake and cook, build and create...He loves to read to his little brother, play cards, cuddle the cat and play Angry Birds.  He is destined for something great in this life.   His struggle will be his strength...and it's my job to make sure he gets to whatever earthly destination is for him.  He is a child of much faith asking in a calm time how it is he could tell people about Jesus because everyone should know... He is adorable and innocent and not to blame and a child of God just like any other.  And I love him...unconditionally, forever, fully, no matter what.

Not more than I can handle...there are days I beg to differ ... but most days I do understand this sharpening of my faith...you see my weakness, my incapability to "handle" this, my lack of control, my shortcomings.....all cause me to lean on God.   God is using little old, incapable, frazzled, tired, weak me to do great things in my childrens lives.   They aren't mine...but His and with that in mind what a privilege to have some who need me as they do!

Just. Plain. Thankful.

Counting my Blessings in 2013!!

dusky light, surprising reflection, lovely shadow.....

64.  Glimpsing the last bit of daylight through the schoolroom window as supper simmers on the stove
65.  Seeing myself in the lives of my children...it`s not all bad actually!
66.  The dancing shadow creating by the bare oak tree blowing in the wind


  You'll find the "Joy Dare" here....
http://www.aholyexperience.com/joy-dares/

Counting my Blessings 2013!!

3 graces from people you love...

55.  simply being surrounded by my eight children and husband on a "back to routine Monday"...a difficult transition made easier by the chance to look at them and be thankful
56.  my oldest offering to do some "taxi" driving today while I struggled to get "on track" with the schooling of the younger 4
57.  my Dad arriving with a beautiful space heater that looks like a wood stove for our sunroom/schoolroom so the children are warmer in the biting cold temperatures  (the room isn't insulated so they layer up, but much cozier with the heater! )

58.  my dogs wet nose on my arm as he rests it there looking for some love
59.  homemade pot pie...comfort food
60.  the singing of my 11 year old while playing with his brother
61.  The understanding look from my 13 year old son while holding his tongue and not chastising his brother ( he looks like a man but still a boy!!)
62.  watching my girls play rummy at the table after dinner
63.  the early morning quiet as I rise before everyone else

You'll find the "Joy Dare" here....
http://www.onethousandgifts.com/

Counting my Blessings in 2013!!

Although it's only six days in I've managed to get a couple days behind here!   I refuse to NOT count!!  So...I will make up these days focusing on JOY!

old, new, and blue

39.  Our beautiful loved home...generations of memories
40.  New vanilla candle flickering on the dining room table
41.  Cozy navy sweatshirt

something I'm reading, making, seeing

42.  "Kisses From Katie" a truly inspirational story of sacrificial love and devotion
43.  Homemade fleece snuggie covered in T Rex dinosaurs...for my feisty boy!
44.  Rows of smiling faces hanging framed on my wall

one thing in my bag, my fridge, my heart

45.  old photos of my children
46.  homemade peanut butter fudge
47.  overwhelming joy for the blessings I call my kids

48.  wonderful service at church this morning
49.  Saturday visits with Mom and Dad
50.  reminiscing about my childhood
51.  old dog snoring on the couch
52.  5 minute nap on the couch
53.  jalapeno poppers
54.  the revelation I'm not in this alone!

http://onethousandgifts.com/

Counting my Blessings in 2013!!

three graces I overheard
31. The sweetest "I love you" from the lips of my sleepy child
32.  Happily playing boys in the living room
33.  "I'm sorry...buddy"  an unexpected apology to a younger sibling

34.  Visits with precious friends
35.  Late night quiet time
36.  Words of wisdom
37.  Steaming coffee in the evening
38.  Unexpected cuddles at midnight

 http://onethousandgifts.com/

New Years "Revolution"

Websters defines a revolution as "a sudden, radical, or complete change.

Hmmm...Is that what I'm really looking for?

Forget the resolving to do this and resolving to do that.   We have all done it and we have all failed on some level.   I have decided this year that all of the good intentions, best laid plans, and lists are not going to bring about the change in me that is necessary.

I need a personal "revolution"!!!  

So...I focused on how I define myself...what do I think is the most important role that I have?   Most who know me would say "being a mother to your eight children of course"!   Perhaps it is being a better wife, a better teacher, better nurturer, better daughter, better neighbour, better listener, better friend, better example.....STOP!!

This is the "revolution".  I need to suddenly, radically and completely recognize the role that God gave me is exactly what I'm doing.   I realize it is not about changing how I define myself, making a resolution to change, but about accepting where I'm at, and most importantly understanding that there is a "plan".   It may not always look reasonable, or even logical but I will do "it" to the best of my ability.

When I am feeling the most inadequate, incapable, intolerant, and completely done...God still believes in me.   When I am at a loss for what to do next...and I'm thinking "I can't do this any more!!"  God is saying..."I know that,  (duh!!!!  well... I added that bit) and I don't expect you to do this on your own....I will always be here."

So my resolution for 2013 is to live a revolutionary life.....one of radical commitment to being the best I can be and living in the peace of knowing that is good enough.   When I am weak, yet am I strong.  

The challenges that 2012 presented were no less than overwhelming some days.   My "parenting skills" were tested, revamped, and finally filed.    I have come to realize that each of my children carry their own need for revolution and it is my job to focus on their eternity!   My time is worth it!  Some of the individual struggles I will expand on here in the coming days, but suffice it to say that parenting children with special needs is not for the faint of heart.   The daunting task of raising eight kids, dealing with raging hormonal teens, and defiant preschoolers is tough enough but throw in some violence, aggression, medication juggling, unpredictable outbursts, attachment disorders, OCD, FASD, RAD, and a whole host of other acronyms and the behaviours that result, and I am living the very humble existence of inadequacy!   Owning this in any public way has become my new normal...I am after all seeking a complete, radical and sudden change in the way I approach my God given role....I'll chant this for a while and let you know if it actually sticks.....Not my comfort zone!!

So 2013....I'm ready!   

Counting my Blessing in 2013!!

A gift outside, inside, on a plate....

16.  Sun shining on the clean snow
17.  A comfy chair to curl up on and read
18.  A honey cruller left because the children "prefer the sprinkles"

19.  The smile of my thirteen year old son at my joke....yes, Mine!
20.  Time spent at the barn with my 18 year old loving on the horse that threw her so violently New Years Eve
21.  Forgiveness
22.  The means to replace a laptop soaked in a glass of water
23.  A morning kiss
24.  An unexpected response on a facebook post from a friend
25.  Crackling fire
26.  Renewed compassion for the hurting
27.  The honour of sponsoring a child
28.  Peanut butter fudge in the microwave
29.  An afternoon of toboganning in the back yard
30.  Love...

http://onethousandgifts.com/share-your-gifts

 
Counting my Blessings in 2013

1. Homemade cinnamon buns and the smiles it brings to young faces
2. Excellent hospital care and follow up when my eldest is "broken" after a fall from her horse
3. Rosy cheeks after an afternoon in the snow
4. Beautiful music to soothe frayed nerves...by the end of day it was sweet music
5. Leftovers from New Years Eve celebrations and how easy it makes meal prep on January 1
6. Twinkling Christmas lights on the garland around the door
7. Family time ... even when it wasn't "their" first choice today
8. Hugs and smiles when new hand-me-down pajamas are pulled out
9. Another day
10. New lessons learned in patience when dealing with rage in my sweet son
11. A warm bed waiting for me
12. The newness of the year that lies ahead and the clean slate ...

Three gifts heard.....
13. The silence that follows a busy day of children and chores
14. The gentle rhythmic breathing of my sleeping youngest as I get ready for bed
15. The quiet singing of our cockatiel as she gets ready for sleep...

Welcome 2013!

 

 

I have to admit...I'm thankful for the fresh start.   There's just something exciting about the thought of new beginnings.   2012 wasn't a bad year, but I'm always thankful to turn the page on the year and move on towards all that God has for us.

 

I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I'd just start the year with a few pictures of the last little while...sort of a collage if you will of where we've been.



 



 



 

Christmas Tree Farm

Christmas Eve













Homemade Jammies Christmas Eve

Family Fun!!

And the much anticipated New Year's Eve Chocolate Fountain free for all!!!   :)












I am so very blessed by my family!   God has seen fit to provide for me a wonderful life filled with all of the challenges that will help to strengthen my faith and direct my path.   It's not always easy .... in fact if I'm being honest it sometimes seems near impossible and I guess that's the whole plan....I will stay humbled and remember who this journey is for...



http://onethousandgifts.com/share-your-gifts

I am NOT a poet!

I am not a poet...but sometimes when emotions are raw...


So...I sit at the table
My birthday morn
It's Thanksgiving and yet
I'm feeling a bit worn

My blessings are multiple
I'm thankful to be sure
It's just I'm realizing
Are my motivations pure?

People see me...but not
I'm content to blend in
My focus is my family
How could that be a sin?

I selfishly wonder
When today my hopes soar
Will today give me the answers
I'm desperately searching for?

Ironic it seems
Since I know where to look
Some days though I get hung up
And forget to open the Book

The days quickly fill
With the Mom stuff you see
I'm driven to nurture my tribe
Could it be?

That amidst the hustle
And busy, I neglect
The One true source
Deserving all of my respect

So as husband surfs internet
And kids play elsewhere
My birthday insignificant
It seems...should I care?

Absolutely not!
Cause you see
For the glory of God
I raise my family

To do all things for Him
Forgetting self
Will continue to provide
My storehouse of wealth

I am significant to One
And suffice it to say
That is all that I need
He knows it's my birthday

So I sit at the table
My birthday morn
It's Thanksgiving
Grace and mercy...gifts I adorn

Perhaps a rant, but for me a valid way to acknowledge it's been a hard week!
Thanksgiving is what I hope to give daily, but realistically it is sometimes a struggle.   I am, in my quietest moments, clearly aware of my many, many blessings. But... I am human and the struggles
that come all too frequently as I butt heads with the many hidden challenges can overwhelm if I allow them to.    As I ended last week with my birthday and Thanksgiving Day...I gathered my thoughts, reviewed my experiences and created "the new gameplan".   I do this alot...

I am ready to face a new week day,  I do so completely humbled by the plan I can not possibly know, but the purpose I absolutely find comfort in!

From Rage to Reflect

Suffice it to say the "rage" is done....for today....and now...as always I reflect.

Was there something I should have done differently?  What prompted the explosion this time?   Was there really any warning?  How can he become so angry and violent and in 10 minutes apologize?   How do I prevent this from happening again?   ......  Will I ever stop questioning and just accept this?

I read many, many books.   I listened to all the training.   I researched and sought advice from the pediatrician.   I equipped myself...I braced myself... I joined support groups...I let my guard down...Nothing can prepare you until you are forced to fall on your face and recognize this is all beyond your control.  

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is an umbrella term that is used to describe symptoms/effects that present themselves in individuals whose birth mother drank alcohol during pregnancy.   It is often described as the "invisible disability".   Learning disabilities, physical, mental, emotional and behavioural challenges may be included in this umbrella term.   

This spectrum disorder presents in so many ways, manifesting differently in each and every adult and child diagnosed.   Parenting children with this diagnosis is...well...the hardest thing I have ever done.

Thankfully our parenting philosophy is wholly based on nurturing each child to reach his/her own potential.   Parenting our children with this diagnosis does however go against the grain of almost every other plan or expectation we had before our adopted children were born in our hearts.   Gone is the one approach fits all disciplinary techniques.   Gone is the one size fits all teaching.  Gone too are any expectations that what is taught today will be adhered to and understood tomorrow.  Gone is the ability to predict behaviours.   Gone therefore is every ounce of preparation for parenthood.

Flying by the seat of my pants is just. not. my. comfort zone. when it comes to leading and nurturing, teaching, guiding, modelling, and dreaming about my children's future.   This is my life lesson daily and believe me...I enter into this involuntary teaching kicking and screaming....it's just not the way it's "supposed" to be.

There are so many effects that I see in our affected children that I feel I have capably dealt with over the last eleven years.   The warning label did say this would get harder but I pushed through depending on my "I can handle anything" drive.   This has been what's saved my bacon many times as I draw on the patience that I am so thankful for.   You need to know my prayers multiple times a day start like this....."Oh God....MORE PATIENCE .... please."  But...admittedly as time goes on I am humbled daily by the necessity to call out to God ... alot!   I am not capable of this alone.

Some days are just. so. hard.

Yesterday I intercepted a raging, violent boy as he ran up the back yard yelling at his brother, calling him an obscenity he doesn't even understand and threatening to kill him.   This as the offending sibling stood at the bottom of the yard responding with loud pronouncements of how much of a "jerk" he was and then with complete apathy carrying on with no comprehension of his involvement in the altercation.   Today I was screeched at...slapped, kicked and told to shut up.   I repeated instructions for proper hand washing four different times after using the washroom to the same child, described why it is we don't advise perfect strangers on the way to the library what our address is and why we also don't tell them where we play and when our Dad goes to work.   I made a separate meal for the same child that refuses supper every day, primed and prepped repeatedly as we transitioned through simple things like dressing for the day, packing up toys, meals, play, chores, errands and preparing for bedtime with multiple countdowns as we approached "the time".   I doled out multiple medications three times as I do every day....this is perhaps one of the most difficult choices we had to make and... I cried...

I have realized today that I have tried the withdrawal method of coping with this.   Quite simply, I have tried to keep everyone here safe from judgement.   I was once the guilty one who quietly questioned why a parent didn't have better control over their children, why a child could possibly behave that way if they were being raised in a loving home with appropriate rules and example...

I have chosen to "try" to avoid the explanations...avoid the potential of one of "those" outbursts in public...and perhaps even avoid admitting this is really tough. 

The future is unpredictable...I've often said that makes this journey exciting and it does.   I am as equipped as I am meant to be and I am doing what I believe I am called to do...not just a cliche but rubber hits the road TRUE!  I am so very very thankful for my faith and for the tears that just make me human.   God's grace is perfect for me and for those I love...

...so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. ¹¹ May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, ¹² giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.
Colossians 1:10-12

   

Blessings worth the "fight"!

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY C!!!!!

 Today was a crazy day of running around and of course celebrating!   

C was patiently waiting for cake and presents at the end of the day when we could all be together.    Patiently perhaps a bit tongue in cheek as this is definitely not a word this little guy comprehends!   A typical day starts with whining and demanding and ends with arguments of NOT sleeping!   It may sound ridiculous but when I have survived the day of multiple behavioural challenges I am actually extremely thankful for this test of sanity.     All medical reports pointed towards autism, FASD, and many other developmental delays at 13 months of age and we were truly unsure what his future held.

When we first became aware that C even existed we had just completed our sixth adoption and closed our file at the agency believing at least briefly that our family was complete.    News of one of our existing sons having a biological brother that was in need of an adoptive family  was needless to say "unexpected"!     We determined quite quickly that we would apply to be considered this adoptive family.   I prepared a lengthy letter describing our family and the importance of preserving biological bonds between siblings, our parenting philosophy and all that we felt important as we raised our seven children with a holistic approach encouraging them to meet their individual potential.   We had no idea what was in store but knew that we could be this forever family of security and love for this little boy!

The agency responsible for finding C a forever home did not respond to our letter and sent instead a letter to our local agency advising they would be pursuing another family.   We could not understand the lack of communication or the decision to refuse our invitation to come to our home and meet us, talk with the other children and at least consider our application.    We soon came to realize that the reason we were not to be considered was that we had seven children and C would present with many risk factors that would require "better attention than we could provide".   All this without even speaking to us on the phone!

The heartbreak we felt for our son and the grieving over the loss of a significant biological bond between these two brothers was overwhelming for us and we felt they both deserved our best efforts to ensure that we had at least made every attempt to ensure this significant bond could be nurtured.    We understood all too well how biological bonds between siblings was a very important part of their identity especially as they grew and the questions about their "beginnings" surfaced.    We had at the time five other children from two sibling groups that had each in their own way drawn on these significant relationships as we were watching them grow and mature.   We appealed this decision to a provincial board and a trial was set for October of 2009.   

Very little time was allowed for preparation but I spent the next several weeks researching documents at the university library on attachment,  large families and special needs,  subpoenaing witnesses and preparing several binders with questions for my witnesses and cross examination questions....all for a child we hadn't even seen a picture of!!!     I am not a lawyer nor had I any experience on this end of a trial!   I had taken the stand at several custody trials for our existing adopted children but nothing had prepared me for this journey.

I received a package in the mail from their lawyer and it suddenly became too real!   Day one of the trial arrived and although overwhelmed and plagued with little sleep I was sure I couldn't have prepared any more than I had.    Day one .... the most stressful day of my life I'm sure!    The agency had brought a court stenographer and their lawyer, microphones, tape recorders and I was intimidated!   I think in retrospect that was likely the point!   The three panel members that would ultimately determine our future sat stone faced at one end of the room and my husband and I sat facing the opposing agency and their lawyer.    I introduced and questioned my witnesses and then listened as they were cross examined and every aspect of our lives, private and otherwise debated!    The next two days were full of "objections" and questions about whether information should or shouldn't be admissible......finally and I mean FINALLY the panel advised the other lawyer he was being unreasonable and that I was not a lawyer.    The icing on the cake came as I prepared for my closing arguments.   I opened my binder to my three page closing and took a deep cleansing breath to begin......three words came out of my mouth and the lawyer objected citing that I had not provided them a copy of this information and I could not therefore "read" from it......good grief......the panel discussed quietly and advised me that unfortunately to stay to the letter of the law I had to deliver my close without reading it.    I understand now they were being so diligent in order to prevent any kind of appeal that would further delay C's placement.    I prayed, breathed and started what turned out to be better, clearer closing arguments than I had prepared....Thank you God!    We left the room at the end unsure of the results and were told we would receive their ruling via courier within 10 days.    Never before had I been required to leave something so totally and completely in God's hands....a true test.... 

A 23 page ruling arrived in our favour....not only did it stipulate we were to be considered an adoptive applicant but that C was to be placed in our home!    They stipulated this was to be done in a timely fashion in order to prevent further unnecessary delay in providing him the loving home he so deserved!    We were floored and fully believe this process was part of what was necessary to continue to prepare us for our future with C and the ongoing uncertainty with many of the other children.    Strength is drawn continually from God!!!

Almost three years later we celebrate him!    He is NOT autistic and communicates continually!  (any translating is done in house!)   His joints were once floppy but now he's just extremely flexible!  :)   There are a whole host of things we will continue to deal with behaviourally and medically probably forever but none of these impact more than the blessing he is to us!!!

Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

 

   



10 people and 2000 sq. feet!

In just two weeks we will have lived here for 12 years!!! I can't believe it has been that long!

It seems like yesterday we were debating the importance of refinishing the floors before we moved in or fencing the yard. The yard won and the floors...well, they still aren't done. Our biggest concerns then were which of the three extra bedrooms would M choose and how long would it take us to refurbish each room of the house to transform it into our dream home. Back then there were only three of us, two dogs and two cats and a whole lot of space! The irony of those long ago simple decisions is not lost on me.

Today there are ten of us, two dogs, four cats, a rabbit, a cockatiel, and most recently a very tiny baby field mouse in "rehab" from the clinic thanks to our Dr. Doolittle daughter.

Everybody enjoys  must share a room and it's a bit tight!   The 18 and 16 year old girls share the smallest room with the rabbit, cockatiel and somewhat neurotic diabetic long haired cat.   It used to be the art room when my grandparents lived here, a place where my grandfather at some point sat quietly to his easel reflecting on the sailboat and sunset in progress.  Quite a shocking contrast to the bubble gum pink room with brown accents often the epicenter of loud music.  The other two girls (14 and 11) share the next room.   It used to be an army room where the boys slept but as became the norm, more boys came and the bigger room was necessary for them.   The girls tolerate the army green walls with only intermittent requests for something "girly"....at least we removed the camo netting from the ceiling!   The three oldest boys (13, 10, and 7) share the old "office".   It is currently a lovely shade of sunshine yellow with bright orange cupboards....fair is fair I suppose!    Finally...there is the master suite bedroom...the once "only room in the house where a retreat to close the door even for that short while until found" allowed for a moment to collect or at least prep for the next parent child interaction and.... you guessed it....if you're counting heads is now a shared room with our almost four year old son!

Life is ... an adventure!!

We have one full bath upstairs with a small tub and a hand held shower thingy that works well enough for the older children but has resulted in many water park type adventures when placed in the hands of a smaller child!   Our kitchen ceiling bears the scars of these "fun times"!    The main floor has a living room, dining room and kitchen with an added sunroom on the back that houses all of our homeschooling books, extra computers, and (thank you IKEA) organizing bins for each child's school books and assorted prized collections.   Oh...I almost forgot the two piece bath off the kitchen...still the silliest place for a bathroom I figure!

No basement!...well except for the furnace and antiquated, no longer functioning cast iron water softening system my grandfather conjured up fit for a submarine with all its valves and shut offs....all of which are seized.   Ah and yes the 18 inch dirt crawl space under the kitchen.

We love our house....really we do....well we especially love our yard!   It's big and outdoors and plenty large enough for everyone to do their own thing without getting into someone else's personal space!   This is worth it.

Close quarters is what we know and although we have had fleeting moments of house hunting and addition planning, either finances or the mere thought of having to prepare our home for showing/sale have been a deterrent.    It's not so bad here.   I have to admit watching my parents pack and prepare for a move to their new custom built home next week after 32 years did spur on renewed dreams of three or four bathrooms and my own bedroom for goodness sakes but this isn't in the cards....at least not for now.

So.....in the mean time to help preserve my sanity, I compiled a list of the benefits for our family to live in these 2000 square feet!

1.   Friction...manifest in sibling squabbles and normal disagreement require resolution.   It is far more difficult to remain angry and continue to hold a grudge when around every corner you run into the "offending" person!   Living so closely encourages problem resolution in a timely fashion!

2.  Responsibility and accountability are if not self correcting they are sibling corrected!   If you aren't pulling your weight it undoubtedly affects someone else.   Ultimately it's easier to take care of the job or else put up with reminders X9!

3.  Tolerance!   We have a houseful of "needs" special and just plain natural!!   It behooves us all to become somewhat tolerant of these needs and when that isn't an option, create built in coping mechanisms to make living together at least a little easier.

4.  Involved with compassion!   As siblings living so closely together there isn't much happen that several if not all become aware of like it or not!   This allows for increased compassion for the lumps and bumps life dishes.   The children are acutely aware of gender differences and ultimately will be better equipped for future life.   Boys understand deal with mood changes and sensitive nature and the girls appreciate  tolerate the physical approach to life with one track thinking.   Both in temperment and physical needs/differences this will be beneficial.  eg.  my boys future wives will thank me for their sensitivity resulting from growing up with 5 women!!

5.  Clear understanding of want vs. need.   Now, I am not so naive as to believe they don't still "want" lots they don't get, but certainly the lesson of patience and the ability to deter the need for instant gratification even if only fleetingly is learned. 

6.  Stimulation, laughter, and bonding.   The children have no lack of stimulation.   It is by their choice to have nothing to do!   There are always options and laughter is never far away!  The older children influence the younger children in more ways when they interact so frequently.   In most cases this is a benefit!   Sometimes these "in your face" interactions work to smooth the somewhat rough edges of a given child's temperment.   There are those teenage years where intermittent moments of....ummm....lets just say we try and minimize the influence sometimes!

7.  The give and take lesson!   Our children will hopefully learn to give more than take.   That's the hope anyway.   It's just easier....and serving is part of how our family unit functions.    Serving each other in many ways as a family prepares them to be motivated to serve others.    It just feels good!

8.  Appreciate quiet.   The children all have learned to appreciate "me-time" and seek out those precious times without the unhealthy desire to lock themselves in their room.   Peacefulness is a welcome reward from the chaos.


Some days this seems pie in the sky but that just makes me "normal".

Today I choose contentment....

   

Olympic Observation

There's nothing like a weekend of Olympic spectating to bring on thoughts of "would-a", "should-a", "could-a"!   

I'm not an avid television viewer but there is just something special about the Olympics.   We taped the opening ceremonies and watched them as a family Friday evening while eating pizza.   The younger children were convinced the Queen had really just jumped out of the helicopter! Fun!   It was a great show and following the entrance of the first few athletes (let's face it .... that part is a little boring!)  the kids had some excellent questions about how old they all were, what makes them special, what an opportunity, where are they from etc.   It was a great combination of some world geography, inspiration and motivation!

But for this Mom I have to be honest when I say it may have caused me to stop a moment and contemplate how much time I have "wasted" in my life.   I mean, just look at some of these kids (yes I am now old enough even "20-30 somethings" seem like "kids"), and what they have accomplished!   Wow!   Some of these athletes are only 15 years old!   On the surface it would seem my life in comparison was a tad lame!   How easy it is to define who we are by the accomplishments and awards of others.

Without a doubt these athletes deserve much respect for the thousands of hours and often many years of dedicated training...blood, sweat and tears as it were!    But we all are not destined to Olympic Gold by these parameters.   Funny, as I was explaining how hard these athletes had trained and how we have all been blessed with some gift or another I quickly found myself teaching my kids a lesson I perhaps should heed.

Thoughts including "If only I had finished my degree at university I would have..." and "I should have pursued...and then..." and "I could have done..." are a senseless waste of time.   It seems easier when it is a mother life lesson to one of my children!  

Being a mom is not for the faint of heart.   I have put in thousands of hours, in fact many years of honing the many skills that I have.    I have bled, and sweat and cried and will no doubt continue to do so for many more years!    I have hurdled toys while gracefully negotiating my living room en route to a screaming child, fenced many matches with a battery powered light sabre, weight lifted heavy sleeping children up the stairs to their beds, synchronized the lives of 10 people, rowed across a lake when the motor died in the rain, wrestled many children in an effort to prevent bodily harm to a sibling, and let's face it, live a marathon that is my life every single day!!

So...my conclusion is simply this...aside from my recommendation that Mothering should certainly be on the docket for the next Olympics and most certainly gold medals should be awarded :)...but that the importance of being content with where you are is absolutely paramount!

                  

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7


   

I Choose Thankfulness.....

What an absolutely beautiful weekend we have been blessed with!

This kind of weather makes it easy to look out the window and see the many wonderful things surrounding us to be thankful for.

Around noon yesterday we struck out with the children to find a beach!    It was 24 degrees out and last year on the same weekend we went to Kincardine to play.    So.....we set the GPS and headed northwest in hopes of seeing some beautiful colours and eventually hit water!    We ended up in Goderich where we first spent time viewing the still visible devastation from the tornado that ripped through this town on August 21, 2011.   The children were shocked to see houses with the rooves blown off and many, many homes missing several windows.    What was evident as we passed near the downtown "square", which actually better represents a wagon wheel with several streets reaching out from the centre, was that this was truly a "community".    There was a fund raiser with music playing and people milling around.....the money raised was to help refurbish the buildings and return this community structurally to the way it was pre-tornado.  It will never be the same.    More notable though was the number of people out working around their homes....families were working together to restore and in some cases sadly to simply clean up the mess of what was once a home.....even in the midst of strife these people all seemed happy and "thankful" for their friends and their community.   Many homes had spray painted messages on them ....."We love you Goderich" and "we'll be back!!"    This little community represented what unity should look like as their collective outlook on a tough situation shouted a message of determination and a "temporarily down but not out" attitude!    What a fabulous example for our kids as we drew this to their attention.

Thank you for my home...

We found the beach!   



The water was a bit chilly but it didn't stop them!...





lots to do......





searching for the best rocks.....





climbing them.......






and even throwing them......











a great time!



I have so much to be thankful for.....as we enjoy a relaxing day at the beach and a beautiful drive home I can't help but think about the importance of recognizing how to be thankful for the simple things.   The hustle and bustle of life and all the expectations it brings.....a simpler, easier yet more purposeful seeking out of the awesomeness of our God.......

cool eh?

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my family and friends....May you each experience the joy that comes from gratefulness in the small things of life.....

I am so grateful for days like yesterday..... my family, my home, the food we have to eat and the ability to speak openly about my faith...so many in this world have so much less.

We all have the choice.....I choose thankfulness!!

Rear View Mirror Philosophy

What do you see in your rear view mirror?

Life is sometimes about reflecting on the past....the things we've left behind....perhaps the things better forgotten.....or more often hopefully the things of days gone by that fill our life with memories...the positive kind....the stuff that's made us who we are!

My life is full of tons of wonderful memories but you know.....even so.....what the future holds is still far more exciting to me.   I'd rather think on all that might be!   The potential of every experience....who it may impact.....where it might lead.....what I might glean from it and then impact generations to come by my own legacy!!!

Hmmmmmmmm.................

I wonder......they say hindsight is 20/20 but I'd rather count on the perfect vision of my future!

Less is More!

                                              I can't believe today is the first day of October!

School is finally into a nice routine but it is keeping me hopping!    I just noticed it's been two weeks since I posted here.....

Today was an absolutely wonderful day!   The sun was out and it was just a tad "brisk", ok.... it was quite cold!    I think my van temperature said it was 10C and that combined with a swift north wind made for a chilly day.    

The kids spent the morning just hanging out and I finished up my bible study for the week.    This week was on Sabbath and I have to admit I learned alot....What struck me as an historical rule for setting aside one day of no work, I now understand to be so much more than that and most importantly a blessing.... a day of rest......a time to reflect on God's creation and my redemption.   What I did realize was that we have chosen as a family to really decrease the extra curricular activities outside of church and as a result I think we are one step ahead as far as being able to set aside time every week to "rest".    The trick of course is to actually implement this without feeling like we need to be "busy" doing something.    

So.....although today was Saturday....I decided it was too beautiful to not strike out and enjoy.    The kids and I set out on a drive to see if we could find a cool country schoolyard to play in.   The children have come to look forward to these impromptu outings .... well....most of the time and today was no exception. 

 We didn't go too far as it was late in the afternoon already and ended up only about 20 minutes from home at a fairly new playground.   We stopped for some donuts ... for the energy needed to play of course!    After "fueling the tank" all eight were ready to go......

There was climbing....





swinging...





watching...



scooting.....





laughing.......





staying warm!....





and just being plain goofy!!!...

What a great day we had!   

Home for curry chicken on a bun with ice cream for dessert of course  :)  Eight baths, six loads of laundry and I'm off to bed to do a little reading before getting some sleep....

I am so thankful for the simple moments in life.  

Continuing to strive for the new normal......simple.....less... it usually is more!